30 English Jokes That Would Make You Laugh & Fart

30 English Jokes You Never Think About 🙄

 

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1. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. (…Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.)

2. What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics!

3. Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?

It had great food, but no atmosphere.

4. What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, it just waved.

5. Do you want to hear a construction joke?

Sorry, I’m still working on it.

6. Did you hear about the fire at the circus?

It was in tents!

7. Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt quacks!

8. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.

9. What does a nosey pepper do?

It gets jalapeño business. 

10. Why should you never trust stairs?

They’re always up to something.

11. When does a joke become a ‘dad’ joke?

When it becomes apparent.

 

12. Why did the bullet end up losing his job?

He got fired.

13. What kind of shorts do clouds wear?

Thunderpants

14. I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win.

No pun in ten did.

15. How do you measure a snake?

In inches—they don’t have feet.

16. Where does a waitress with only one leg work?

IHOP.

17. What does a house wear?

Address!

18. Why are toilets always so good at poker?

They always get a flush

19. Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he Neverlands. (I love this joke because it never grows old.)

Also Read:  Rewrite This Story In English Language And Win $1

20. You heard the rumor going around about butter?

Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.

21. Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, ‘What’s your favorite kind of music?’

The other replies, ‘I’m a big metal fan.’

22. The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is…

Wait, where are we again?

23. I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.

But if anything, it made him more sluggish.

24. What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

25. How does NASA organize a party?

They planet.

26. What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

27. You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

28. How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?

Ten tickles

29. Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?

Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.

30. My teachers told me I’d never amount to much since I procrastinate so much.

I told them, “Just you wait!”

 

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